On Tuesday night we all witnessed history in the making. And I for think it is great and about time. I voted for Obama and I'm so happy he won. Against all odds he is the next president of the united states. People were dancing and crying in the streets. And it made pause and think. . .how come no one has ever danced in the streets when the winner of past elections were announced. I came to the conclusion that it is because Obama broke through the class system and noone has ever done that before. Obama's mother was single mom, who had to work her way through college and used the aide of food stamps to help feed her son. He worked his way to the top. Nothing was handed to him, he had to work for it. I think that next 4 years for our country will be monumental. I think that amazing things are going to happen in our nation and I think we are one step closer to truly becoming a country where anyone can be anything.
       That does not mean it is going to be easy. I know first hand that many people think Obama is akin to the antichrist, especially in the south. Sometimes I swear if I hear one more person say they don't want him as president because he's muslim or that he's a terrorist I swear I'm going to go off. I know several people who say Obama supporters are just not informed, uneducated people. Obama is not muslim, he is a christian and so what if was. We have seperation of church and state. And he is not a terrorist, that's just ignorant. And I for one did my research very carefully before deciding on a canidate. Obama views and political stances represent what I agree with more than McCain.  Right now we cannot afford to be divided. We must come together as a country, as one nation, and support our president and country. If we do that, there is no telling what we might acheive.
 

So I decided to tell everyone a little bit about my likes, dislikes, who I am and what makes me tick so to say. One of the first things I want to say that I think is very important is that I am who I am and I try really hard to be true to myself and my beliefs without being judgmental towards others with different views. This is so important to me because for a long time I was what everyone expected me to be.
I did what I was supposed, said what I was supposed, even thought what I supposed to. I was so busy trying to please everyone else that I didn't even know who I was. I was who my parents, my family, my teachers, wanted me to be. And when I graduated H.S. and went away to college I had no idea who was and trying to figure it out was one of the hardest things I've done. So I made a promise that I'd always be me no matter what. So here it goes my favorite things and who I am:
                   I'm a little bit of geek. I love buffy the vampire slayer and know tons of random facts about the show and have all the seasons on dvd. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jenifer Love Hewitt my favorite actresses; S.M.G because she portrayed a strong female character that any girl could look up to. My favorite flowers are orchids and then roses. I love watching pro-football an dmy favorite teams are the Eagles and the Steelers.  I love reading romance and medical thrillers. I love music, all music. I love writing: stories, poetry, in my journal. I love watching TV.  I have a twin brother whom I love with all my being, he's my twin and nothing will ever changed that. I have dyslexia and ADHD and I say this because if I didn't have them I would not be the same person. I'm a klutz and love just hanging out with my friends. I'm messy and a little crazy sometimes.
      And just like everyone else, I have baggage.  I'm not good with certain emotions, like crying. It is very hard for me to cry, even when something bad happens or when someone close to me dies I don't know when that developed but I rarely cry. I have issues with guys and relationships. I've been cheated on twice by guys that I cared about a lot. I haven't always had the best taste in guys, I had a thing for bad boys without really realizing it. I lost count of how many guys I've dated that stopped dating me because either becuase I wouldn't sleep with them or they found someone prettier and skinnier and that's fine, but it hurts. And for the most part guys only notice me as a friend and that's what I'm used to. So I have a hard time with the idea that a guy is attracted to me and an even harder time with relationships. But I still believe in love and still try and relationships.
           And that's just a small part of who I am. Take me or leave me. Like it or not. That's just a little peice of me

 

Well it's been awhile since my last blog and that's mainly because I've had a run of bad luck lately. Y'know sometimes life just keeps throwing stuff at you and knocking you down before you get a chance to get back up. And the way I see it when that starts to happen there are only 2 things you can do; you can either give up and stay down or just pick yourself up and brush off the dirt and move on. I'm the kind of person to pick myself up and move on.
    First my grandmother died and I greeted it with mixed feeling because for the last 4 or 5 months she'd been going down hill, and we had to put her in a end of life facility and she was not the person I remembered and she was suffering and in pain. So when it happened I was glad she wasn't suffering anymore, but really sad all at the same time. Then my car started making weird noises, and I had to get all new brakes and rotators. Then my laptop broke and I had to send it off to get it fixed. Then my dog got really sick and we had to put him to sleep, which broke my heart, it really did. My car died in the middle road, right in traffic it just stopped and died. I had to get some guy to help me push it out the road. I had to have it towed and had to get something with new coils and an alternator. All of this happened in about 5 or 6 weeks. But the point is that I made it through all of it and learned some stuff in the process.
    When life's punches just keep rolling the only thing you can do is take it and keep and going. Cause giving up isn't really an option. Life is bittersweet. Well, more bitter than sweet but it's those bitter times that make the sweeter times all the more precious. That's just my opinion.

So I just got back from vacation in the outerbanks. We stayed in Avon. My Aunt rented a house for the family July 5th thru the 12th. There were 14 people staying in a house for a week. Let me tell you that as much as I love spending time with my family I also love my own time just think, write in my diary, and so on. There is no alone time with 14 ppl. Between my cousins 15, 13, 9, & 6 and all my aunts and my uncle by the end of the week I was ready to leave.

Now that being said, don't think I didn't have a good time. Cause I did. I got to go surfing on real waves (surfing in charelston sc just doesn't count) and take a surf lesson. I rocked, I did, my surf teacher Caine was very impressed (and very cute, lol). I got to go sailing. I talked to my cousin Rea, who is 9 and crazy about Hannah Montanna and the Jonas Brothers, about just beinmg herself and loving herself just as she is. I got to hang with my twin brother Dylan, who lives in charleston, and older cousin Nick. The 3 of us haven't just gotten to hang out together in long time, which is nice. Even though I accidently caught an elbow to the eye, no harm done.

I did enjoy this vacation, but taking 14 ppl on vacation is alot of ppl. My family is it's own small army, and with that comes teasing and annoyance, but it also comes with ppl who have always got your back and are willing to listen and help you out any time.

      So, I'm having trouble right now trying to figure things out. Recently I've been under a lot of pressure to compromise my own ethics or values or whatever you want to call them. Now, I'm a pretty good person and I like to have fun, but I don't drink or hook up with random guys (not there is anything wrong with that!! if that's what u like to do, go right on ahead and have fun with it) and I'm not a judgy person. Just because I don't do it, doesn't give me the right to get all the righteous. But recently a good friend of mine who had kind of similar views as me, has just completely changed, since she met this other person. Which is fine, you know whatever makes you happy, but I'm starting feel pressure from her and this new group of people she's hanging out with, who are mostly guys.
 
     There is just a lot pressure to do things or say things that I normally wouldn't say or do. And I feel like she's putting pressure on me to do these things so that the guys like me; it's almost like if I don't act this way I'm not cool enough to hang with them. Which is weird for me, cause she's never been like that before. And I'm not one to change who I am for somebody, but there's a lot of pressure, a lot. And hanging out with them is fun, but I don't want have to change myself. I've always thought that if somebody didn't like me, oh well they can get over it. But it seems like that answer is a little too easy now. And I'm just not sure what to do about the whole thing. Guess I'll just have to let it play out and see what happens.